News feed – Page 4 – New Concordia Times

PARKING APP DISCOVERS NEW WAY TO ROB PEOPLE LEGALLY

NEW CONCORDIA — Drivers using the city’s newest downtown parking app are learning an important lesson about modern commerce: The meter may be gone, but the suffering remains. ParkNC rolled out this month at more than 3,000 curbside spaces. A $2 parking session can now include a 35-cent convenience fee, a 20-cent “mobility infrastructure assessment” and, according to several angry users, a mysterious charge labeled “service optimization.” “I optimized my service by parking at the grocery store and walking six blocks,” downtown worker Lindsey Brooks said. ParkNC officials said the charges support payment processing, software maintenance and future improvements. Asked

CITY HALL FORMS POTHOLE TASK FORCE; POTHOLES REPORTEDLY TERRIFIED

Opinion

New Concordia has announced a task force to study potholes. Excellent. For years, fools like me believed asphalt might solve the problem. Apparently we lacked vision. The task force will gather transportation officials, engineers, neighborhood representatives and consultants to develop what City Hall calls a “comprehensive roadway resilience strategy.” I have my own strategy: put some asphalt in the hole. There is a crater on Jefferson Avenue so deep that my truck’s suspension returned with a different political affiliation. Residents have complained about it for months. The city placed an orange cone beside it. The cone fell in. We have

SINKHOLE EATS EXIT RAMP; COMMUTERS INTRODUCED TO REST OF CITY

Travel

NEW CONCORDIA — Transportation officials closed the eastbound Grand Avenue exit Saturday after a sinkhole opened beneath part of the ramp and swallowed several feet of pavement. No vehicles fell into the hole, though one driver reported losing a hubcap while braking. “I’ve taken that exit every morning for nine years,” commuter Denise Harper said. “Today my GPS sent me somewhere I’ve never seen before. Apparently we have a botanical garden.” The Department of Transportation said underground water damage may have weakened the roadway. Engineers are inspecting the surrounding pavement before repairs begin. Drivers should expect detours through Monday. Officials

NIGHT SCHOOL PACKED AFTER FORKLIFT CLASS PROMISES ACTUAL JOBS

Education

NEW CONCORDIA — New Concordia Community College has stumbled onto a controversial educational strategy: teaching people something employers are currently paying for. Registration for the college’s new eight-week warehouse equipment program filled within 36 hours, forcing administrators to add two evening sections. Students receive forklift instruction, basic inventory training and certifications commonly requested by warehouses throughout the industrial district. “I spent four years hearing people tell me to follow my passion,” student Marcus Dubois said. “My passion is direct deposit.” College officials said the program was developed after logistics companies reported difficulty finding trained workers. Tuition assistance has made the

DEAD MALL SELLS OUT AFTER MANAGEMENT STARTS CHARGING PEOPLE TO BE SCARED OF IT

Entertainment

NEW CONCORDIA — The struggling Concordia Galleria finally has customers again. Management simply had to turn off half the lights and tell everybody the place was haunted. “After Hours at the Galleria,” a weekend ghost tour through the mall’s abandoned upper level, has sold out three consecutive weekends. Tickets cost $28. Guests are led past shuttered stores, an empty food court and a department store abandoned with several mannequins still inside. “The mannequin area is genuinely upsetting,” visitor Erica Mendoza said. “One of them had no head. Nobody could tell me whether the tour company did that.” Organizers employ actors