Dear Auntie Felony,
My boyfriend borrowed $900 from our rent money because he had a “guaranteed” sports bet. He lost. Now he wants me to ask my mother for the rent because he says her retirement check comes every month anyway. Should I leave him?
— Homeless By Halftime
Dear Homeless,
Baby, your boyfriend didn’t lose $900.
He purchased a $900 educational seminar called Why This Woman Should Never Give Me Access To Money Again.
Do not ask your mama for one red cent. She already raised you. Making her finance a grown man’s parlay is elder abuse with extra steps.
Your boyfriend has 3 immediate employment opportunities: sell his game console, sell his sneakers, or sell enough plasma that the nurses start greeting him by name.
As for leaving him, I cannot make that decision for you.
I can tell you this: when the landlord arrives, put his clothes closest to the door.
Efficiency matters during an eviction.